Activity Mat

Margeaux enjoys laying on her new activity mat (thanks Colleen and Laura!) even though she doesn’t quite look at the toys yet.  But I think Izzie loves the mat even more than Margeaux!  I have caught her playing on it several mornings in a row.  She brings her toy over to the mat, which then triggers the music and lights.  She stares at them until they stop, then head butts the star until the music comes on again!

We had a wonderful visit from Grandma Jane this week – she swore that Margeaux grew right before her eyes!

Posted in Family, Izzie, Miss M. | 3 Comments

Breast Woes

I am continuing to pump and bottle feed breastmilk.  The pumping is getting so old.  I hate being tied to this machine. My breasts are constantly filled with clogged ducts and engorged (pump is not as efficient as a baby at emptying breast).  It’s a good thing you can’t quit cold turkey because I think I might have.  I hate to complain about a good milk supply, but it’s very painful.  Usually I pump between 6-9 ounces per pumping session (with 8 sessions a day that’s 48-72 ounces per day!).   I tried for 2 nights to drop one of the night pumpings, but it was just too painful.  Now I am working on eliminating one per day by spacing out the pumpings every 4 hours instead of every 3 hours when the baby eats.  It’s causing engorgement and clogged ducts that I can’t seem to get out completely.  I’ve pretty much given up on completely eliminating the clogged ducts.  They’re painful, but I think I am getting used to them.  It seems to be worse at night when I am laying down and the milk seems to pool up in there.  I know this is gross to write about, but I want to remember this.  I really hope my body gets the message to slow down on the milk production SOON.  Again, I HATE to complain about an over abundant milk supply when so many women are dealing with diminishing milk supplies before they are ready to stop breast feeding.  I guess if it isn’t one thing, it’s another.  I have a ton of milk frozen, so at least if my supply slows way down, I will have the frozen stuff to feed her.  Ideally I’d like to get down to 4 pumpings a day  and maybe that would be enough to feed her for the day (right now she eats about 32 ounces a day (3.5 ounces per feeding x 8 feedings per day).  I guess that wouldn’t really work out, since I would have to pump 8 ounces per session at 4 sessions, and that seems like a lot.  Sorry to just be rambling about my math here . . . anyhow, we all know what’s happened to my best laid plans with this birth and baby . . . :)

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5 Weeks Old

Margeaux is 5 weeks old!  She weighs 9lbs.

We enjoyed a visit this past weekend from Papa John, Uncle Matt and Uncle Jack.  It was great to have family here and it was a very relaxing visit.  We made it out to lunch and dinner all in one day!

We introduced Margeaux to the "binky"

Margeaux also met her first baby friend, Nolan.  Like any good childhood boyfriend, he immediately tried to pull her hair.

It took some getting used to, but Margeaux loves the Baby Bjorn, and most mornings we talk a walk before Daddy gets up (he’s on the night shift and Mommy is on the morning shift)

And here’s our most recent family photo . . .

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Feeding Update – Bottle

On her 4 week birthday, we decided we just couldn’t take the finger feeding anymore.  We introduced the bottle.  She’s been great with it and it certainly makes feeding easier and more relaxing for us.  I think there are just as many dishes but at least they don’t need to be done as often and I can make more bottles ahead of time.  I feel very guilty, but I want to throw in the towel on the breastfeeding (there, I – kinda – said it out loud).  Unfortunately, after taking the bottle, she seems less interested in opening her mouth wide enough to latch on, and I have not gotten a successful latch on since starting with bottles (but haven’t tried enough either).  I am going to continue to try, but it just feels like too much.  I am ready to say – this is the plan – this is what’s working and this is what we’re going to do.  I am ready to move forward, to accept.  I think parenthood is all about guilt in one way, shape or form (I’m reading Imperfect Birds by Anne Lamott).  Right now, I feel guilty about just about everything – I feel guilty that I can’t seem to get the breastfeeding (or it just isn’t get-able), I feel guilty that I don’t want to get up in the middle of the night, I feel guilty that Ryan is better at soothing my child than I am because he’s spent the last 4 weeks being the primary feeder, I feel guilty that when I am driving her around at 4am, I would rather be sleeping next to my husband.  And then I see her beautiful little face, and I melt.

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Happy 4 Weeks!

Today, Margeaux is 4 weeks old! Wow, I can’t believe it’s been 4 weeks already.  Yesterday she had the tongue tie snipped and starting today we are spending all our time working on the breastfeeding – which scares the crap out of me.  We had the finger feeding down, we knew exactly how much she was getting and when.  I started out the day with an engorged boob – awesome way to start!  We had an appt with the chirpractor this morning and afterwards Margeaux breastfeed for about 20 minutes in her office with her help.  And I’m meeting with the lactation consultant tonight.   Hopefully Margeaux and I can both get comfortable with the breastfeeding very soon!

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Parenting is Hard Work.

I’ve been thinking about this post and how to write it for quite a few days now.  It’s about two things I think – my selfishness, and my foolishness.

First off, my foolishness.  And please read this and picture me making fun of myself, not crying over my breast pump (although I sometimes do that too).  I can’t believe the way I pictured motherhood and they way it really is for me at this point.  I guess it doesn’t mean that it’s always going to be this way, and perhaps my foolishness is thinking it was going to be a certain way from the beginning.  Anyhow, I pictured myself as this sylish (ha – was I that before having a baby?!) mom, pushing around an angelic newborn, running errands, attending mothers’ group, meeting people for lunch, nursing in public with my cute little nursing cover, dressing my little baby girl in adorably cute little outfits, spending quality time with my husband since he’s home this summer too, watching endless episodes of True Blood and catching up on my Tivoed shows, reading book and after book while nursing my sleeping angel.  And speaking of my husband, we planned (after 2 weeks or so) that he’d leave for half the day to go study for his comp exams, which he hoped to take right when school starts back up in the Fall (which is, like, almost now). 

Ha!  Life is so not that way.  I wonder if it is for anyone, or if those women are just fooling people like me?  Or maybe the pretty pictures on the boxes of all the baby gear I have fooled me.  Or maybe I was just fooling myself.  So on to writing about how it really is, and on to Selfishness.  I feel selfish even writing this post.  My baby is healthy and (hopefully) happy – how are you supposed to know if they always wake up crying and they can’t smile voluntarily or even really look you in the eyes yet?  As for the things above and not achieving them – they were probably unrealistic goals anyhow, and she’s just a baby- she’s probably doing exactly what she’s supposed to be doing at this point. In any given day, the average newborn cries two to three hours.  That doesn’t seem like a long time, but it is!  When she’s sleeping, there are other things I want to be doing (see above) but it just not realistic at this point – you really do have to sleep when they sleep even if that is during the day and NOT at night.

We’re hoping the tongue procedure on Monday helps with a lot of her issues – feeding at the breast efficiently, less gas without the syringe feeding andcoming on and off the breast constantly.  But realistically, I may be being foolish about that too – it’s not a cure all.  We’ll just have to see.  At least at that point we can start making some decisions about her feeding options.

At the end of the day (or beginning – or is it just one long day with no real night?), with all the foolishness and selfishness of mine put aside, this little girl that’s half me and half Ryan is ALL that matters.  I hope she knows we’re doing our best for her and love her so much.

Posted in Babies, Life | 6 Comments

Florida is so very far away . . .

Only one day left of our visit from my parents – Margeaux’s Grandparents.  It’s been a great visit.  I envisioned more “work” getting done, but in reality it’s been a just perfect visit mixed with lots of cuddle time and some sleep catch up for Mom & Dad (wow, that’s Ryan and I!).  I realize now that having an extra set of hands was what we really needed for baby care and feeding and the other stuff, the cleaning, cooking etc. is not important.  I think we’re all realizing just how far away Florida is.

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Feeding Update

We did about 24 hours of breastfeeding only, but she was pretty angry during that 24 hours.  We think she’s just not working hard enough to get enough.  We think this is because of a tongue tie – not sure if I mentioned this before.  We have an appt in about 2 weeks to have the frenotomy (?) and hope that will help make her a more efficient breast feeder.  Until then, we continue to put her to breast with the shield before most feedings (slacking in the middle of the night), top her off with an ounce of two of pumped milk fed via syringe and tube, and pump for 15 minutes at almost every feeding.  It’s exhausting, but it’s getting her what she needs, and she seems to be getting bigger – we think so anyway!  She has another appt with the baby massage therapist/chiropractor tomorrow to see how her jaw is doing in terms of alignment.  She had some jaw popping which went away after our treatment last week, but is now back.  We’re hoping that issue isn’t causing her any pain and that it’s not really an issue at all.  Two of her feedings today went splendidly with no fighting me, and just relaxing at the breast.  Right now, she’s not eating super often (3+ hours), but is eating a lot at each feeding.  Now if only we could get her to go right back to sleep after the nightime feedings, we could get a little more rest. 

Thanks to all of our great friends, we have had an abundance of really wonderful food!  We actually went on a walk around the block this evening.  The weather has been just beautiful!  We enjoyed visits from all three of my Gainesville cousins this week!  And now we’re all ready for Grandma and Grandpa’s visit on Tuesday!

Posted in Family, Miss M. | 1 Comment

Margeaux’s Birth Story

I tried to remember the facts, I even planned to write them down, but when you’re in the thick of it, time is out the window, and there’s just too much else going on.

9:30pm – 7/26/10 (Due date!) Monday Night:  Contractions started about 9:30pm as I was going to bed.  Around 6:30pm I had been exhausted and thought, I should go to bed now (and I wish I had!)  I couldn’t stay in bed.  The contractions were the most uncomfortable while laying down, and were in my lower back as well as my abdomen.  I paced around the house and tried to go back to bed several times.  The contractions were very similar to the false labor I had about a week before, so I was not convinced this was it.  Ryan was taking turns practicing bass and sitting with me through contractions.  They were mild, but uncomfortable and starting to become more painful.  We did some walking around the block with Izzie, which actually felt very good.

2am or so – 7/27/10 Monday Night/Early Tuesday Morning:  I told Ryan I thought we should head to the hospital.  It’s only a few miles from our house, and if they send us home, oh well, but this feels a little different than the false labor from last week.  Ryan makes some food for himself and I plan to eat some too.  I know it’s serious when I change my mind and decide I am too uncomfortable to eat.  We thoroughly confuse the dog by getting the house all ready to leave, closing windows, putting out extra cat food, loading bags in the car.  She’s dissapointed she doesn’t get to come along.  I spend the time between contractions helping out, and spend the contractions doubled over the kitchen counter – the pain is mostly in my lower back.

3am or so:  We arrive at the hospital and must enter through the emergency department because the maternity doors are locked at night.  It’s a short walk through the parking lot from the car, but a  long walk once you’re in the hospital.  They offer to take me there in a wheel chair, but I cannot possibly think of sitting down – riding in the car for 5 minutes was more than enough.  When we arrive at the maternity department, I walk up to the counter and tell them they’ll probably be sending me back home, but think it’s better to be safe than sorry.  I continue to make jokes, because I don’t want to feel stupid if this is nothing.  Because of this, Ryan tells me later, he really didn’t think this was the real thing.  They get us into the triage room and tell me they are going to give me a non-stress test to check the baby.  This requires laying down for 20 minutes and I am pretty upset about this, as my back is killing me with each contraction and it hurts to sit down, but I make it through.  I am dilated 2cm upon arrival.  My cervix has been fully effaced for weeks now.  They tell me to hang around 45 mins or so and then they will reevaluate me.  We walk the halls, and I am becoming increasingly aggitated and uncomfortable, and am being to be in some real pain with each contraction.  Ryan helps me breath through each one.

4 am or so:  They come back to check me and I have dilated from 2cm to 5cm in less than an hour.  We are admitted to the hospital.  They ask me if I would like to go in the tub while they prep our room.

5 am or so:  I spend an hour or so in the tub.  It is AMAZING! I am experiencing back labor because the baby is sunny side up, or facing out (head is down though).  The tub allows me to be in a more relaxed state (I’ve now been on my feet since 9:30pm) and it allows me to be on my back, but floating, so there is no pressure.  Ryan and I chat and he helps me breath through each contraction, holding my hand.

6:00am or so:  I start to get pruny, so we head over to our room.  I ask about an epidural.  The contactions are very painful, but I think I could manage them if I knew they wouldn’t get any worse.  They are just so uncomfortable.  I just can’t imagine being anywhere but standing right now.  My fear of what is to come and fear of the unknown cause me to ask for the epidural.  I advise them I would like to stay away from narcotics.  They first must get an IV going, and I must take in a whole bag of water before they can do the epidural.

8:00am or so:  The anesthesiologist arrives, I sign paperwork, he preps things, and by 8:30am I have the epidural.  I have two contractions while he’s administering the epidural, and it’s so hard to hold still.  I focus on the nurses shoes.  By the time he’s done, I am chatting with the nurse about her shoes, and telling her Clark’s is the best place to get comfy shoes – what a difference.  I lay down and pretty soon cannot feel much from the waste down.  I can wiggle my toes.  It feels like such relief.

10am: Dr. Omrani breaks my water and we think it won’t be long until our baby girl is here. We spend the next few hours waiting for some progress on the dilation.  The epidural probably slowed things way down.

2:15pm: Time to start pushing.  My nurse’s shift is over at 3pm, and she anticipates the baby will be born shortly after, so she plans to stick around.  For the first few pushes, I cannot feel a thing – no contractions, and can’t tell if I am even pushing.  I tell them it’s ok to turn down the epidural.  I hear this is a nice medium, you have the epidural to take the edge off, but you can still push and feel the contractions.  Over the next 4+ hours they administer pitocin and turn it up a few times.  I assume they continue to turn the epidural down, but I am not sure.  I continue to push.  I try several positions, but cannot seem to get her around the corner of my pubic bone.  Finally I can feel my left leg enough to get on all fours and then push back into a child’s pose type position for each push/contraction.  This seems to make some progress.  At this point, there are two midwives and my nurse in the room with us.  I hear discussions of the baby’s heart rate.  I think the heart rate always goes down during pushing and a contraction, but my baby’s isn’t going back up as much, or as fast as they would like.  They tell us they are going to bring the doctor in and see if he wants to try the vacuum.  He comes in, asks about progress, and decides to try the vacuum.  I think they are close to considering a c-section and at this point I am just completely exhausted.  I’ve been watching in the mirror and can’t see any visible progress from the last hours of pushing.  They get everything ready and attached the vacuum to her head.  I push on the next contraction (I am no longer alert enough to watch in the mirror).  I assume her head comes part way out.  It is the worst pain I have ever felt.  Everyone in the room is cheering for me, telling me I can do it.  I am yelling that I can’t.  It hurts too much.  They tell me to stop pushing and wait for the next contraction to push her out, but that seems just impossible.  It’s the longest minute (or who knows how long!) of my life.  Finally it comes, and I can feel her head out and shoulder and I know I’m home free.  But man, it’s the worst pain ever.  If you have the full epidural, do you still feel that?  They call it the “ring of fire” and indeed it was.  I suffered a second degree tear, and some other things I’d rather not discuss to my non-baby birthing lower nether regions.

They took her over to the warmer area right away to check her out.  I assume this is because of the slower heart rate.  At that point I didn’t even really notice that she didn’t go right on my chest.  Ryan immediately went over from my left side, to the right side of the room and got his face right in her face and started talking to her.  He said she turned and looked right at him, she recognized his voice right away.  I just watched them in awe.  Ryan brought her over to me, probably about 2 or 3 minutes after she was born.  It was amazing and it was exhausting.

It truly is a miracle, from conception (all the stars must align perfectly) to birth (and beyond).  I can’t believe people do this every day.

I’ll have another post in the works with things I learned and suggestions I have for people expecting.

Posted in Miss M. | 3 Comments

First Night of Breastfeeding

We are finally getting the hang of breastfeeding.  After our second successful attempt at breastfeeding yesterday (after a week of finger feeding pumped breast milk) we went on to exclusively breastfeed all night long.  Still working with the consultant (using a nipple shield, which I’d like to be able to get away from) and will need to read up on the things I learned in the class re: switching breasts etc, but we’re excited to have made progress!

Posted in Miss M. | 3 Comments