Margeaux has started spitting up what feels like large amounts (but probably isn’t THAT much). It comes out projectile like and makes me happy we didn’t invest in new couches, carpet or clothes before she was born. So now I’m nervous after each feeding, just waiting for her to soak me, and a little more nervous about feeding her in public. But oh well, life goes on, and maybe I need to start bringing a change of clothes for myself around as well!
8 Weeks Old, 10 1/2 lbs, getting to know her dog, experimenting with the Moby wrap, listening to stories and establishing a (ha!) bedtime routine.
Now that I am pumping three times a day, it allows me more sleep and my breasts are finally clog duct free and feel like I can only imagine they are supposed to feel. However, now that I am only pumping 3 times a day, I am only getting enough milk for 5 bottles. She eats 8+ bottles a day. So, tonight I am going to have to take some milk out of the freezer, and it’s killing me. I counted tonight and I have about 150 bags of milk stored – with an average of 4 ounces in each, that’s about 20 days of milk. Margeaux is almost 8 weeks old. So we’d be shy of the 3 month mark, especially if I quit pumping altogether. I guess the fact of the matter is, she’s going to have to go on formula at some point, so it doesn’t really matter when. I don’t know why this is such a struggle. I guess because I am making a decision for her based on what’s more comfortable for me.
It’s been a great week. I feel like I have rejoined the land of the living. Ryan’s back to work and school, and Miss M and I have been out on the town. We’ve been to Mom’s Group, Yoga, Stroller Exercise Class, and now lunch out. She’s done great. Her sleeping seems to be regulating, and she’s even fallen asleep in her crib a few times. Most nights she’s up around midnight, 3am and 6am, so still every 3 hours, but a few nights she’s gone a 5 hour stretch between feedings, but usually earlier in the night so we don’t get to take advantage of 5 hours of sleeping time. I continue to space out my pumping sessions, which are at about 7+ hours apart right now. I’m still pumping about 3 ounces from each side, so about double what she eats per feeding. At this rate, she’ll catch up to me soon, and we’ll have to pull out some frozen milk. I still have no idea what I am doing. Am I weaning? Or just making pumping daily more tolerable by making it not as frequent? I want to be weaing, and I don’t want to be weaning. I don’t want to pump anymore, I want my breasts back. I want to be rid of lumpy painful clogged ducts, and leaking, and engorgement. But, I want her to continue to drink breast milk. I don’t think formula is bad, but the lactation consultants and breastfeeding classes sure beat that into you. I worry that when we’re done with the frozen milk, and switch to formula, we’ll just be opening a new can of worms. It seems like it takes babies a little while to figure out which brand/kind of formula they can best tolerate. My husband assures me that he won’t be dissapointed in me if I wean, and my mom thinks I should do what’s best and most comfortable for me, but I just continue to feel guilty. If I stop, it’s because of my pain and discomfort, and does that make me a bad mom? I know it doesn’t, but these are the thoughts I am struggling with these days. It’s not consuming me, I’m still enjoying life, it just seems like it’s this thing that I need to just make a decision about and I hate being the only one who can make that decision. I want someone to just tell me what to do. Or for my body to decide for me.
My little girl is growing up FAST! Today I packed up her newborn size clothes. Her pack and play has now been stowed in her closet, since she no longer sleeps in it in our room and has transitioned very easily to her crib in her own room. She’s also done with the foam thing we used to lie her on for sponge baths. Now she’s a shower girl – so grown up!
Izzie loves her new best friend
I couldn’t decide on a caption for this one. It could be “Izzie helps us decide if Margeaux needs a diaper change” or “Izzie gooses even babies.”
Today Izzie, Margeaux and I went over to play with Max, Luke and Jenna. We’re back home, and everyone is pooped, including me.
Ryan and Margeaux cheer for the Gators!
Guess who I found on the activity mat in the middle of the night?
Miss Margeaux is almost 7 weeks old! Not sure if I am just having a good day, or if things are starting to settle down. Or maybe I am just getting used to the chaos! My boobs finally feel like they are chilling out. I am now able to go about 4.5 hours in between pumpings. Ryan’s unofficially “back to work” as his gigs and teaching is picking back up after the summer off. Margeaux and I are having more and more “girl time” and we’re doing pretty well. She’s doing a better job at settling herself down and being other places besides our arms. Although most times, she just wants to be held. She’s sleeping in her crib at night. This is helping me sleep as well – now I can’t hear her talking to herself in there. I can hear her when she really starts to fuss, and I get up then to feed her. Now that I’ve cut back on pumping, I am able to sleep through one of the late evening feedings (if I can get myself into bed by 8pm) and Ryan can sleep through one of the night feedings (both depending on how the timing works out). She’s gone up to 4.5 hours between feedings at night (but was only sleeping for 3 of those hours). I’d like to try to get her into bed earlier than 11pm, and establish a kind of “bedtime” instead of just putting her down when we can get her to sleep. I am sure she’ll have none of that. It just feels a little more sane around here. She can sit in her swing or lay on her activity mat (most times) and just look around. I am not as afraid to make plans, and have plans to attend a mothers’ group, baby and mom yoga, and today we took Izzie to a dog festival and K9 Kerplunk Doggie Dunk.
The True Story of What Was 
