It’s been a great week. I feel like I have rejoined the land of the living. Ryan’s back to work and school, and Miss M and I have been out on the town. We’ve been to Mom’s Group, Yoga, Stroller Exercise Class, and now lunch out. She’s done great. Her sleeping seems to be regulating, and she’s even fallen asleep in her crib a few times. Most nights she’s up around midnight, 3am and 6am, so still every 3 hours, but a few nights she’s gone a 5 hour stretch between feedings, but usually earlier in the night so we don’t get to take advantage of 5 hours of sleeping time. I continue to space out my pumping sessions, which are at about 7+ hours apart right now. I’m still pumping about 3 ounces from each side, so about double what she eats per feeding. At this rate, she’ll catch up to me soon, and we’ll have to pull out some frozen milk. I still have no idea what I am doing. Am I weaning? Or just making pumping daily more tolerable by making it not as frequent? I want to be weaing, and I don’t want to be weaning. I don’t want to pump anymore, I want my breasts back. I want to be rid of lumpy painful clogged ducts, and leaking, and engorgement. But, I want her to continue to drink breast milk. I don’t think formula is bad, but the lactation consultants and breastfeeding classes sure beat that into you. I worry that when we’re done with the frozen milk, and switch to formula, we’ll just be opening a new can of worms. It seems like it takes babies a little while to figure out which brand/kind of formula they can best tolerate. My husband assures me that he won’t be dissapointed in me if I wean, and my mom thinks I should do what’s best and most comfortable for me, but I just continue to feel guilty. If I stop, it’s because of my pain and discomfort, and does that make me a bad mom? I know it doesn’t, but these are the thoughts I am struggling with these days. It’s not consuming me, I’m still enjoying life, it just seems like it’s this thing that I need to just make a decision about and I hate being the only one who can make that decision. I want someone to just tell me what to do. Or for my body to decide for me.
Inspiration . . .