We “installed” the bouncer! She seems to like it, even though she isn’t doing much bouncing. Should be another nice place for her to “hang out” while we’re cooking or eating since it’s between the kitchen and dining room. Problem is that the best way to bounce is barefoot and the floor is pretty cold this time of year. Maybe I need to find some good shoes or socks with grippers? Also, it puts her right at Izzie’s level for licking!
Couldn’t decide which picture we liked best!
4 months old: 25 inches long and 13lbs 6 oz (opposite of her birth weight of 6lbs 13 oz!)
I'm thankful for this!
It was a great two days in New Hampshire with good friends and family. M slept the entire way there, but cried and “talked” for the first hour on the way home before we pulled into a gas station parking lot to feed her (she refused to eat before we left). She slept great in the hotel, and we even went out to a late (for her) dinner the first night we were there.
Baby corner in the barn
First dinner at Newick's / Out past her bedtime!
M with Great Aunt Ginny
It is nuts to think of how much has changed in our lives in the past year. At this time last year we were prepping to spend Thanksgiving with family and I thought, let me just take a pregnancy to be sure I can drink. And whoa, I’m pregnant. And now we have a baby, an almost 4 month old baby! It still boggles my mind that I made her, carried her, and birthed her – wow!
This Florida girl hardly knows how to dress herself in the winter, let alone a little baby!
I was just saying today that even though I am a mom, I still don’t feel like a grown up. And just as I was laying down to bed tonight, it hit me why. I see moms, and always saw my mom, as completely unselfish people. She lived only for me. Everything she did was for me. She never wanted anything in return, she never missed her life before me, she never wished she had more quiet time for this or alone time for that. At least that’s the impression I got. Now that I am a mom, I know that is totally impossible. We are all human. I just picture my mother, and all the mother figures in my life, like my aunts, as SuperWomen. I never saw them struggle or get overwhelmed. They always had it under control, or so it seemed. And now I see, if I hold myself up to those standards, I will never feel grown up. But hey, I guess being a kid at heart isn’t too bad.
For the past (almost) 4 months I have felt like I couldn’t get ahead, and in fact felt way behind. I’ve missed birthdays, I’ve forgotten play dates, I’ve had trouble remembering my name. But finally I feel like I am ahead of the game on something. Well, at least not behind anyway. I have a lot of my Christmas shopping done! But, it’s time to start thinking about Christmas cards. For the past several years that we’ve lived up North, we’ve included a snap shot in our cards. R and I take a photo of ourselves in the snow. Our friends and family down South think this is pretty funny since some of them have never even seen snow! This year, I’m really hoping it snows one big snow pretty soon, or else we’re going to have to figure something else out because I want to get going on the holiday cards soon! And I really want M’s first appearance on our Holiday card to be special!
I just heard a promotion that Shutterfly.com is having – they are giving bloggers 50 free holiday cards for exploring and then promoting their site. What better motivation to get going on my holiday card! I think I’ll choose one with a single picture, and probably get the matte version. I prefer a simple design without a lot of clutter. And oh my goodness, these Holiday party invitations almost make me want to have one! Oh and I love these calendars! Maybe next year once I have enough pictures of Miss M from each season I will make one for the grandparents. I’ve had the desk version sitting on my desk all year, with each month highlighting a piece of art made by my nieces and it’s just so neat!
I figure, I can go to shutterfly.com and pick out my card, get everything all ready and then plug in the snow picture when we get one! If not, we might ALL have to sit on Santa’s lap!
I made it to yoga alone for the first time tonight, and it was amazing. Children’s yoga was going on next door and they brought the girls in to do yoga with us for a few minutes, and it was overwhelmingly moving to see these adorable little girls so happy with us. Afterwards, I was talking to a woman about M, and she said, you look so happy, I can see how happy you are. And I laughed. I’m happy NOW I said, but it took me a while to get here. And we had the normal conversation about how no matter how much you tell someone how their life is going to change, they will never know until it does. And that no one tells you about all the insane things that happen to your body, your mind, your self, your marriage, everything! And she said something I thought was very interesting. She said something like, but it’s your own experience, so each person needs to experience it for themselves. She likened it to her older sisters not telling her about the things that come with growing older as a woman. I’ve been thinking about what she said. I had been thinking I am the crusader for new moms: it is MY job to educate them on how nuts it is, how their lives, and their bodies will change, how hard it is, how scary it is. And now I see, I need to shutup. It’s not my job to tell them, it’s my job to help them if they ask for it, but to allow them to experience it for themselves. And I need to stop telling my story like woe is me, my labor was so hard, and so on. Because all labor is hard. And again, it’s their experience to have. And really all that matters is she is here now, and she’s wonderful. And that goes for the dreaded question as well, which always comes up, and doesn’t offend me, but it’s just tricky for me to answer with a yes or a no. Are you breastfeeding? Technically no. But, no I cannot eat this, drink this, do that, etc because I am providing my kiddo with my milk once a day via a pump and bottle. And blah blah blah, I go on to tell the story of how hard we tried, and it didn’t work out, and it was hard for me to accept, and I still feel guilty, but WHY?!?! Let it go, it’s not important anymore. What if I just said no, I am not breastfeeding, what’s so bad about that – NOTHING! So anyways, time to embrace the present and let go of the past. It got me where I am now, and I am happy with where we are now. Life is good. Nuts, but good.
I think the anticipation of going back to work was worse than the actual going back to work. But I feel in the middle. I’m not a 100% stay at home mom, and I am not a 100% working mom. I feel guilty on my days off for leaving my co-workers hanging. I know I cannot properly do my job at the level I’d like to while only being in the office 3 days a week. But I am LOVING the extra time with Ms. M. But if I was a 100% stay at home mom, I think I’d be implementing nap time, and putting her down in her crib when she falls asleep, but because my time with her is limited, she spends her snoozing time in the swing or on my lap. I cherish those moments. I have weekly plans on Mondays and Fridays when I am home – library group and mom & baby yoga. I see the same moms, some stay at home, some will return to work eventually, som work part time like me right now. They are all looking for things to do, and if I was a 100% stay at home mom, I would be too. But, for now, this is what is working for me, although I don’t see it as a long term plan. After the holidays, I will go back to work for 5 shorter days and I think the everyday routine of it will feel better for me. And the weekends will be such a wonderful time for family.
She spent most of the week like this.
The True Story of What Was 
