I made it to yoga alone for the first time tonight, and it was amazing. Children’s yoga was going on next door and they brought the girls in to do yoga with us for a few minutes, and it was overwhelmingly moving to see these adorable little girls so happy with us. Afterwards, I was talking to a woman about M, and she said, you look so happy, I can see how happy you are. And I laughed. I’m happy NOW I said, but it took me a while to get here. And we had the normal conversation about how no matter how much you tell someone how their life is going to change, they will never know until it does. And that no one tells you about all the insane things that happen to your body, your mind, your self, your marriage, everything! And she said something I thought was very interesting. She said something like, but it’s your own experience, so each person needs to experience it for themselves. She likened it to her older sisters not telling her about the things that come with growing older as a woman. I’ve been thinking about what she said. I had been thinking I am the crusader for new moms: it is MY job to educate them on how nuts it is, how their lives, and their bodies will change, how hard it is, how scary it is. And now I see, I need to shutup. It’s not my job to tell them, it’s my job to help them if they ask for it, but to allow them to experience it for themselves. And I need to stop telling my story like woe is me, my labor was so hard, and so on. Because all labor is hard. And again, it’s their experience to have. And really all that matters is she is here now, and she’s wonderful. And that goes for the dreaded question as well, which always comes up, and doesn’t offend me, but it’s just tricky for me to answer with a yes or a no. Are you breastfeeding? Technically no. But, no I cannot eat this, drink this, do that, etc because I am providing my kiddo with my milk once a day via a pump and bottle. And blah blah blah, I go on to tell the story of how hard we tried, and it didn’t work out, and it was hard for me to accept, and I still feel guilty, but WHY?!?! Let it go, it’s not important anymore. What if I just said no, I am not breastfeeding, what’s so bad about that – NOTHING! So anyways, time to embrace the present and let go of the past. It got me where I am now, and I am happy with where we are now. Life is good. Nuts, but good.
Inspiration . . .