Almost 30, Well Sort Of.

I’m almost 30.  I guess technically I am closer to 29 than I am to 30.  But it sure feels close.  I think “almost 30” is an interesting age.  It’s an interesting age for reflection, and an interesting age for a little self evaluation, and I don’t mean in the negative sense.  I’m quite happy with where I am.  It just feels like such a weird time in your life.  One of those transition times.  Think back to when you were 10 or even 15.  Think about what 30 meant to you then.  Wow, 30 was so old.  You probably thought you’d be settled in the company you would work for forever and your pension would be piling up.  You probably thought you’d have all the kids you were ever going to have (if that’s what you wanted). You thought you’d feel grown up.  You wouldn’t care what people thought of you anymore.  You’d be who you were, and not who you wanted to be – or at least you would be 99.9% sure about who you were and where you were going.  These days, I look even towards my parents and wonder if they feel like grown ups.  Perhaps when you lose your parents you feel totally grown up.  You are now the oldest generation alive in your family.  Who knows.  I toggle between feeling older than a lot of people, and younger than a lot of people.  I bounce between feeling like I have to act younger to be cool, and like I have to act older to be respected.  Who do I want to be, that young hip individual, or that established intelligent professional? (On a side note, because I say “hip,” that automatically means I am not).  I guess it’s like anything in life, you can’t be all things to all people.  Then why do we keep trying to be that.  Why are we not just ok with being who we are?  For me, maybe it’s because the one person who really sees me as who I am and who I can act 100% myself around isn’t around lately.  Being on your own, even temporarily, with no one else to look at, sure does make you look at yourself a lot more.  And I don’t think that’s a bad thing to do once in a while.  Here’s to 8 more months of being in my 20’s.

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